The Unknown Mommy Roles
The role of a Mommy goes far beyond "chief cook and bottle washer". Here are some of a Mommy's important roles, generally unknown to those without kids.
1. Kleenex. Why grab a tissue from the box when you can throw your arms around Mommy and wipe your nose on her shirt?
2. Vomit Catcher. From infant spit-ups to big-boy tummy bugs, a Mommy has seen it all. Usually her shirt and pants have seen it all too. Count on changing your shirt multiple times.... by lunchtime.
3. Teething Ring. Don't have the plastic teething keys around? Don't worry! Mommy is just as good! Just clamp down on anything you can get that little mouth around. Fingers, arms, toes. Yes toes. This morning Matthew starting chewing on my toe.
4. Food Interceptor. A Mommy always positions herself halfway between the child and the dog. Either the child is trying to feed his food to the dog, or the child is trying to eat the dog's food.
5. Echo Chamber. Any words spoken by the child must immediately be repeated by the Mommy. Mommy better get the child-adult translation correct. Otherwise the consequence is usually a prompt tantrum.
6. Creative Food Describer. Need to get your child to eat? Come up with creative ways to describe the food! Broccoli becomes "giraffe food". Corn becomes "chicken food". However, be sure not to include any animals that actually live in your house. Otherwise it will increase your responsibilities under #4, Food Interceptor.
7. Sleepwalker. (AKA Sleepsinger, Sleeprocker, Sleepfeeder, Sleepdiaperchanger.) Fulfill all the needs of a child during the night without ever fully waking up. Caution: To avoid mishaps, do not store feeding and diapering items in close proximity.
8. Sleepfaker. A Mommy's ability to completely fake being asleep when a child wakes during the night, thus requiring the Daddy to fulfill the duties under #7, Sleepwalker.
What are some of your favorite unknown Mommy roles?
1. Kleenex. Why grab a tissue from the box when you can throw your arms around Mommy and wipe your nose on her shirt?
2. Vomit Catcher. From infant spit-ups to big-boy tummy bugs, a Mommy has seen it all. Usually her shirt and pants have seen it all too. Count on changing your shirt multiple times.... by lunchtime.
3. Teething Ring. Don't have the plastic teething keys around? Don't worry! Mommy is just as good! Just clamp down on anything you can get that little mouth around. Fingers, arms, toes. Yes toes. This morning Matthew starting chewing on my toe.
4. Food Interceptor. A Mommy always positions herself halfway between the child and the dog. Either the child is trying to feed his food to the dog, or the child is trying to eat the dog's food.
5. Echo Chamber. Any words spoken by the child must immediately be repeated by the Mommy. Mommy better get the child-adult translation correct. Otherwise the consequence is usually a prompt tantrum.
6. Creative Food Describer. Need to get your child to eat? Come up with creative ways to describe the food! Broccoli becomes "giraffe food". Corn becomes "chicken food". However, be sure not to include any animals that actually live in your house. Otherwise it will increase your responsibilities under #4, Food Interceptor.
7. Sleepwalker. (AKA Sleepsinger, Sleeprocker, Sleepfeeder, Sleepdiaperchanger.) Fulfill all the needs of a child during the night without ever fully waking up. Caution: To avoid mishaps, do not store feeding and diapering items in close proximity.
8. Sleepfaker. A Mommy's ability to completely fake being asleep when a child wakes during the night, thus requiring the Daddy to fulfill the duties under #7, Sleepwalker.
What are some of your favorite unknown Mommy roles?
posted by Susan | 1:56 PM
3 Comments:
This is so funny!
My fave roles is: Punching bag for kicks to the stomach during diaper changes.
Oh my gosh! You are so right! I am constantly saying "No kicking!"
THIS IS FUNNY, SUSAN!
Post a Comment
<< Home