Valentine Veterans

My parents were featured in an article in their local newspaper this week. They are coming up on 50 happy years of marriage, so they are certainly Valentine Veterans!

Wednesday, Feb. 14, 2007
Valentine’s veterans share pearls of wisdom
Longtime loves say relationships are more than flowers and chocolates
by Chris Robinson Staff Writer

As chocolates are chomped, bouquets bought and pink pleasantries presented today to commemorate Valentine’s Day, senior sweethearts are reminiscing about their own
early romances.

With more than 160 years of combined marital experience, three couples from Asbury Methodist Village in Gaithersburg recently offered a slice of their cozy first dates, with a side of tender advice for younger lovers.

Two of the couples, the Ansteads and the Hearings, renewed their wedding vows at a Valentine’s Day event last year hosted by Asbury Methodist Village.

Here are their stories, and some advice for others in love.

The right chemistry

Vincent, 83, and Denise Hearing, 82, have been married for 62 years. They met in grade school while attending Blessed Sacrament School in Chevy Chase, and their relationship continued to bloom though they attended separate high schools.

Their first date was in their early high school years, when Vincent invited Denise to join him and his family at the Gonzaga High School Science Fair, located in Washington, D.C. His fair project was a demonstration on ice cream.

‘‘We were really out to prove how cheaply you can make cold cream,” he said.

The sweet treat was a polarizing element for many dates in the mid- to early 1900’s. A big date was walking from Denise’s house in Chevy Chase to Gifford’s Ice Cream store in Bethesda, Vincent Hearing said.

‘‘And I have always loved to walk, and he never liked walking because he was in the infantry, but he still walked because I liked him,” Denise Hearing said with a smile.

Six perfect dates

Jean Hubbell, 73, married her husband John Hubbell, 81, 51 years ago — exactly six months after they met.

They met on a blind date on December 11, 1954, that was set up by Jean’s coworker at the Atomic Energy Commission, who happened to be John’s cousin’s wife.

‘‘A special employees event came up and this fella I had been dating was home in Kentucky for Christmas, and Mary said ... ‘I’ve always wanted to double-date with my husband’s cousin, so would you like me to ask him?’ And I said, ‘Sure. It doesn’t matter, just so he’s got good character,’” Jean Hubbell said. ‘‘And six dates later he proposed.”

The knot was tied six months to the day that they met, on June 11, 1955.

Lost and in love

Bob, 74, and Mary Anstead, 73, are married for 49 years, and their romance began at a dance at Saint Ann’s Catholic Church in the Tenleytown community of Washington, D.C.

Their first date was a drive in Bob Anstead’s old Ford car to a movie and a coffee shop in Georgetown. Though finding it was a slight challenge, they said.

‘‘That was on O Street?” Mary Anstead said.

‘‘P Street? ... I don’t remember,” Bob Anstead said.

‘‘Well, the reason we’re both saying this is that at the time, if it was on P Street, he said O Street and I said, ‘Oh no, I think it’s off P Street,’ and he said, ‘That’s the first mistake I’ve ever made,’” she laughed.

‘‘My statement was corny, but your response was, ‘Ooh really?’” he laughed. ‘‘And I said, ‘This is a nice, naïve young lady.’”

They eventually found the road that would bring success to that date and many more.

Going out

Dating in the 1940s and 1950s required a bit of creativity, and adventure.

Money was scarce during that time and it was a rare fellow who could regularly splurge on extravagant dates.

‘‘We were a lot more creative in those days,” Jean Hubbell said.

To compensate, many would chat with friends for the evening over cake and coffee, or take short trips for picnics.

The Billy Goat Trails, a 4-mile hiking area in Potomac that overlooks Great Falls, were an especially popular destination.

‘‘It’s not called ‘Billy Goat’ for nothing,” Jean Hubbell laughed. ‘‘In fact, I remember that my foot really did get caught in a crevice between two rocks, and people say, ‘Oh, that’s a put up job,’ but I really did and I had to be rescued.”

John Hubbell, who was a Boy Scouts of America Scout Master at the time, said he hopped over the other three bachelors and quickly came to her aid.

Few young lovers found themselves in the Gaithersburg area, though, the couples said. Gaithersburg and the surrounding towns were rural, and mostly farmland at that time, said Vincent Hearing.

For Valentine’s, most agreed a homecooked meal is the best route to avoiding packed restaurants whose rush to move customers in and out could spoil the intimacy.

Gifts don’t need to be fancy, either, so long as they are presented with care, they said.

‘‘Everybody appreciates being remembered,” Jean Hubbell said.

Longevity in marriage also requires a degree of thoughtfulness, they said.

One tip is to observe ‘‘cultivated dependency,” or a measure of respect for time needed apart for hobbies or other activities, said John Hubbell, who for years has worked at the National Bureau of Standards, now the National Institutes of Standards and Technologies in Gaithersburg.

Jean Hubbell said there’s not a ‘‘scientific bone” in her body, so she busies herself with other activities while her husband runs to the office five and a half days of the week.

‘‘When I go with him, I’m Mrs. John Hubbell. And when he comes to do things with me, and this has happened, when I was president of the [Asbury Guild], he came to a meeting and he was Mr. Jean Hubbell,” she laughed.

‘‘They don’t do that too much anymore.”

Diligence in seeing the partnership through rough times is a key in many relationships as well, Vincent Hearing said.

‘‘I think the atmosphere, unfortunately, now is if you don’t like it, leave it. Or if you’ve got a problem, forget it,” he said. ‘‘And I think that’s not conducive to longevity in marriage.”
Another tip in fostering a strong relationship is to not let slip your wife’s age, he said with a smile.

‘‘I don’t mind it at all, I’m just happy to still be alive and kickin’,” Denise Hearing said with a laugh.