A Different Kind of Perfect
This weekend I went on a women's retreat at church. I really had a wonderful time. It was emotionally exhausting, but still wonderful.
I realized how much I had been keeping busy and living with distractions, in part to avoid having to really deal with what's going on in our lives, and in part to appear strong and invulnerable to others.
But you do that long enough, and when the busyness and distractions are gone, it all comes crumbling down. That's what happened this weekend.
So it's time for me to realize that I don't have to be strong, and I can be vulnerable.
See, the past 4 months have been very difficult for us...
We started the school year knowing that our older son had speech delays, but he was making amazing progress with the help of speech therapy, so we were not overly concerned.
But within a week of starting his new school, the teachers contacted us that something "wasn't right". This led to an immediate parent-teacher conference (including the director of the preschool), calls to the pediatrician, and lots of appointments with specialists.
In some respects we were shocked. After all, his teachers last year never mentioned that anything wasn't right. But then again, they never really mentioned anything at all.
Our wonderful pediatrician immediately referred us to the developmental pediatrician (dev-peds). Unfortunately the dev-peds are so in demand right now that it normally takes at least 12 months to get an initial appointment.
I happened to chat with a friend from church about all this. The next thing I knew, we had a call from the dev-peds to set up an appointment, a mere month later. See, that friend's husband is the head of pediatric cardiology, and he made a call for us. I am eternally grateful.
So on November 13th we went for a two hour evaluation. Michael absolutely blew the doctor away with his cognitive abilities. (He is presently doing first grade math at 4 years old.) But he also gave us his preliminary findings. We would go back a month later for the official results.
That appointment came on December 11th. Michael has an autism spectrum disorder. Thankfully it is on the mild end. But it is still there.
We've been very careful who we've told. I had not cried until this weekend.
I've been concerned about people judging. For looking at Michael as "the autistic kid". But that is so wrong. Michael was made by God. God does not make mistakes. God makes us in his own perfect image.
If there is anyone who thinks that Michael is anything other than my perfect, precious boy, then they can take that up with God. I will let it be His problem. Those people are not of consequence to me.
I'm not going to bear all the weight of this on my shoulders in order to protect myself or others. The truth is, I am protecting no one by doing that. Of course I will always protect my boys. But I can do that while still allowing myself to be vulnerable, to lack strength at times, and to cry.
The truth is, Michael is still perfect. He is just a different kind of perfect.
I realized how much I had been keeping busy and living with distractions, in part to avoid having to really deal with what's going on in our lives, and in part to appear strong and invulnerable to others.
But you do that long enough, and when the busyness and distractions are gone, it all comes crumbling down. That's what happened this weekend.
So it's time for me to realize that I don't have to be strong, and I can be vulnerable.
See, the past 4 months have been very difficult for us...
We started the school year knowing that our older son had speech delays, but he was making amazing progress with the help of speech therapy, so we were not overly concerned.
But within a week of starting his new school, the teachers contacted us that something "wasn't right". This led to an immediate parent-teacher conference (including the director of the preschool), calls to the pediatrician, and lots of appointments with specialists.
In some respects we were shocked. After all, his teachers last year never mentioned that anything wasn't right. But then again, they never really mentioned anything at all.
Our wonderful pediatrician immediately referred us to the developmental pediatrician (dev-peds). Unfortunately the dev-peds are so in demand right now that it normally takes at least 12 months to get an initial appointment.
I happened to chat with a friend from church about all this. The next thing I knew, we had a call from the dev-peds to set up an appointment, a mere month later. See, that friend's husband is the head of pediatric cardiology, and he made a call for us. I am eternally grateful.
So on November 13th we went for a two hour evaluation. Michael absolutely blew the doctor away with his cognitive abilities. (He is presently doing first grade math at 4 years old.) But he also gave us his preliminary findings. We would go back a month later for the official results.
That appointment came on December 11th. Michael has an autism spectrum disorder. Thankfully it is on the mild end. But it is still there.
We've been very careful who we've told. I had not cried until this weekend.
I've been concerned about people judging. For looking at Michael as "the autistic kid". But that is so wrong. Michael was made by God. God does not make mistakes. God makes us in his own perfect image.
If there is anyone who thinks that Michael is anything other than my perfect, precious boy, then they can take that up with God. I will let it be His problem. Those people are not of consequence to me.
I'm not going to bear all the weight of this on my shoulders in order to protect myself or others. The truth is, I am protecting no one by doing that. Of course I will always protect my boys. But I can do that while still allowing myself to be vulnerable, to lack strength at times, and to cry.
The truth is, Michael is still perfect. He is just a different kind of perfect.
posted by Susan | 8:04 AM
7 Comments:
My heart aches for you. Please don't feel like you have to invulnerable. It's OK to grieve a little. Of course, Michael is still perfect, but it is different from what you expected, and that's painful. As for what other people think . . . screw 'em (if you'll pardon the expression).
I'm so glad that they caught it early so that every avenue of assistance can be made available.
Best of luck as you walk this journey. There are so many wonderful support networks that exist for children with autism and their families. Therapies that exist today are marvelous and ever making progress. As a speech therapist, I know your child can and will do well in life. As a woman I know you must be frightened. Believe in your family, trust the experts (but question as needed), and love your little precious boy. God bless you.
Beautifully written and said, Susan, this is going to be one of my most favorite things I've ever read...((())) hugs.
Susan, your name caught my eye in the comments on the zenofmotherhood site, since we have the same name :) I headed over to your profile and caught that you live close to the town where I grew up (Easley). Such a small world! So I wanted to read some of your blog. I think you are being very brave about the diagnosis given your son. I visited your website and saw his picture - he's beautiful. And I love that you say that God made him just the way he's supposed to be, because you are SO right. I think it's wonderful that you're "taking off the mask" (as I learned in a Sunday school class called TrueFaced last fall), and not trying to be strong and perfect. You sound like a wonderful mother! I hope to keep up with your writings. Good evening :)
Susan, stay strong in your faith.
I'm gonna say this (although I believe you already know it). Your sweet baby IS perfect. He is perfectly as God made him. There is a reason God made us all as we are, even if we don't see it.
Yes, some of us do seem to have more obstacles to overcome than others. But we have to trust that God is always there for us.
Continue to wrap yourself in God's love Susan and surround yourself with positive people who will support you and your family when you need it.
I know it's hard to admit we need help and to ask for it. I'm the same way. :-) Usually I just don't feel like I need help until the event is over and I'm exhausted.
But God will always put someone there to help you when you reach out. (Like the woman who's husband helped y'all get the appt. faster.)
No matter what anyone says, ALL children are different and require their own pace to move through life, as we all do.
Unfortunately, our society is not always understanding. But that's where you come in mommy.
God put Michael where he belongs and you'll do fine, in your own way and with God's help. :-)
I agree with Melissa that this was very well put. You and your family are in my prayers.
Carol Ann (nmitford)
A beautiful post...
I'm so glad you are his mom because you GET IT. You will move to a new normal, but you are right! He is STILL your perfect boy! Keep enjoying him as you always have and keep your faith.
I will keep you in prayers... you are strong in allowing yourself to be vulnerable! Do not let fear and stigmas change what you know. Being invulnerable is over rated -- let yourself be lifted by the support that is around you. Realize how much people are rewarded by being able to support others. Allow others the GIFT of supporting you. It was wonderful for that woman to get you that appointment -- leaning on others opens doors!
May wonderful new doors open for you.
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