Respecting Parents
A parenting list that Greg and I participate in has been having a discussion on children's behavior, and I posted the following this morning. I figured it was worth posting here as well.
Another parent wrote, "I'm not sure what she did differently but we had respect for our parents."
I think this is an issue with society as a whole, not just with yours or my children. Respect for elders and personal accountability seem all but gone today.
But why? I think that there are a few sources. (Note, I am not a sociologist. These are just my personal opinions.)
The media is a lot to blame. I grew up watching television shows like "Happy Days" and "Leave It To Beaver". Loved them! In those shows, even the "bad boys" maintained respect for their elders. On "Happy Days", did you ever see the Fonz disrespect Mr. & Mrs. Cunningham? NEVER. He may have been out jumping motorcycles and chasing pretty girls, but he always respected his elders. On "Leave It To Beaver", even Eddie Haskell always respected Mr. & Mrs. Cleaver. He was a wise guy, a creep, but he always respected his elders.
Now look at the shows kids are watching today. How about the Simpsons. How often do you see Bart Simpson respecting his father. Rarely if ever. In fact Homer Simpson is portrayed as a bumbling idiot, not deserving of respect. All the rest of those FOX "cartoons" are the same way -- American Dad, Family Guy. Kids should not be watching this stuff!
The airwaves are full of so-called "reality television". Some are entertaining, but much of the foundation for these shows is being disrespectful or conniving. What would Survivor be if people weren't lying and going behind each other's backs? What would American Idol be if Simon Cowell wasn't using his off-the-cuff, disrespectful comments? But kids eat this stuff up!
Even when you try to watch a simple game of Sunday football you get bombarded with disrespect. Look at how many of the commercials portray women. It's not like they have old, fat, ugly women wearing long parkas! And even the men -- they are usually portrayed as stupid.
Then there is simply the type of programming available during primetime. So much violence and sex! And parents are letting their kids watch this stuff! Law & Order, CSI, Desperate Housewives. Kids are watching it! I have personally heard of parents allowing their 6 year old kids to watch this stuff! Shame on them! It's forcing kids in to adults situations that they are not mature enough for, and that results in negative behavior.
Okay, so let's say you're like me and you don't let your kids watch this stuff. It shouldn't affect you, right? But it does! Because their peers may be watching it. They go to school and witness other kids behavior. They go to the playground and witness it. Kids learn through modeling, and peer pressure from other kids is huge. How many times have we been at the park with our kids and seen young children with absolutely no boundaries? We have actually left parks because of it. (That doesn't happen often, but it's happened to us twice in the past couple months.) And we have left parks when our own children have tried to break the rules (like throwing sand at other kids).
Another factor I think contributes to the lack of respect today is how society treats fathers. It's as if fathers are dispensable. They don't matter. Some people think that having a strong male roll model isn't necessary -- that the mother can be that strong role model as well. But a mom is not a dad, just as a dad is not a mom. Whether you're married or not, the child needs both parents. Again, I have personally heard parents in broken relationships talk about their child's father as no-good. I've seen them totally cut the father out of their children's lives. In my opinion, there are very few fathers who are such horrible people that they should have no part in their children's lives.
So what is the solution? I don't know that there really is one solution. I think raising kids today is very difficult. But I think we have to work really hard to earn the respect of our children. (And even then they will probably still disrespect us!) But there are things that we can shield them from by turning off the tv (or at least monitoring what they are watching), being very involved in their lives and knowing who their friends are, and always modeling respect for others in front of them. For if they see us being disrespectful to others, that is exactly what they will do. And yes, we should also respect them, while maintaining our role as parent. Remember, we were not put here to be our kid's friends. We were put here to be their parents.
Finally, remember that raising kids wasn't always peachy for our parents either. When I talk to my mother about how Michael is behaving at times, she laughs and says, "Welcome to motherhood!" And overall, my siblings and I were pretty darn good kids!
Another parent wrote, "I'm not sure what she did differently but we had respect for our parents."
I think this is an issue with society as a whole, not just with yours or my children. Respect for elders and personal accountability seem all but gone today.
But why? I think that there are a few sources. (Note, I am not a sociologist. These are just my personal opinions.)
The media is a lot to blame. I grew up watching television shows like "Happy Days" and "Leave It To Beaver". Loved them! In those shows, even the "bad boys" maintained respect for their elders. On "Happy Days", did you ever see the Fonz disrespect Mr. & Mrs. Cunningham? NEVER. He may have been out jumping motorcycles and chasing pretty girls, but he always respected his elders. On "Leave It To Beaver", even Eddie Haskell always respected Mr. & Mrs. Cleaver. He was a wise guy, a creep, but he always respected his elders.
Now look at the shows kids are watching today. How about the Simpsons. How often do you see Bart Simpson respecting his father. Rarely if ever. In fact Homer Simpson is portrayed as a bumbling idiot, not deserving of respect. All the rest of those FOX "cartoons" are the same way -- American Dad, Family Guy. Kids should not be watching this stuff!
The airwaves are full of so-called "reality television". Some are entertaining, but much of the foundation for these shows is being disrespectful or conniving. What would Survivor be if people weren't lying and going behind each other's backs? What would American Idol be if Simon Cowell wasn't using his off-the-cuff, disrespectful comments? But kids eat this stuff up!
Even when you try to watch a simple game of Sunday football you get bombarded with disrespect. Look at how many of the commercials portray women. It's not like they have old, fat, ugly women wearing long parkas! And even the men -- they are usually portrayed as stupid.
Then there is simply the type of programming available during primetime. So much violence and sex! And parents are letting their kids watch this stuff! Law & Order, CSI, Desperate Housewives. Kids are watching it! I have personally heard of parents allowing their 6 year old kids to watch this stuff! Shame on them! It's forcing kids in to adults situations that they are not mature enough for, and that results in negative behavior.
Okay, so let's say you're like me and you don't let your kids watch this stuff. It shouldn't affect you, right? But it does! Because their peers may be watching it. They go to school and witness other kids behavior. They go to the playground and witness it. Kids learn through modeling, and peer pressure from other kids is huge. How many times have we been at the park with our kids and seen young children with absolutely no boundaries? We have actually left parks because of it. (That doesn't happen often, but it's happened to us twice in the past couple months.) And we have left parks when our own children have tried to break the rules (like throwing sand at other kids).
Another factor I think contributes to the lack of respect today is how society treats fathers. It's as if fathers are dispensable. They don't matter. Some people think that having a strong male roll model isn't necessary -- that the mother can be that strong role model as well. But a mom is not a dad, just as a dad is not a mom. Whether you're married or not, the child needs both parents. Again, I have personally heard parents in broken relationships talk about their child's father as no-good. I've seen them totally cut the father out of their children's lives. In my opinion, there are very few fathers who are such horrible people that they should have no part in their children's lives.
So what is the solution? I don't know that there really is one solution. I think raising kids today is very difficult. But I think we have to work really hard to earn the respect of our children. (And even then they will probably still disrespect us!) But there are things that we can shield them from by turning off the tv (or at least monitoring what they are watching), being very involved in their lives and knowing who their friends are, and always modeling respect for others in front of them. For if they see us being disrespectful to others, that is exactly what they will do. And yes, we should also respect them, while maintaining our role as parent. Remember, we were not put here to be our kid's friends. We were put here to be their parents.
Finally, remember that raising kids wasn't always peachy for our parents either. When I talk to my mother about how Michael is behaving at times, she laughs and says, "Welcome to motherhood!" And overall, my siblings and I were pretty darn good kids!
posted by Susan | 9:17 AM
1 Comments:
I agree wih the article. What is important to me is that many of today's programs that you mention are not only unsuitable for children, but for adults, as well. They emphasize only the most base instincts. If adults (as well as children) stopped watching them, the content would change.
Susan's dad
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